Spader sex

Synopsis Steven Soderbergh kickstarted the independent film movement of the 1990s with this landmark drama about the tangled relationships among four people and spader sex video camera. Stay in the know with the latest movie news and cast interviews at Movies.

Connect to your existing Cracked account if you have one or create a new Cracked username. Like elves in Santa’s workshop, bootleg toy makers around the world are busy cranking action figures and games for all of the world’s children. Only these will be sold by street vendors and dollar stores, at a fraction of the price of official toys. Of course, to get around copyright laws, these manufacturers in China and elsewhere have to, let’s say, tweak things a bit. If you’d like to wind up watching a Cracked mini-series about Jedi School click here.

The beauty of this is that when tweaking the name for their bootleg knockoff toy, they could have went with “Robo” anything and it would have made perfect sense as a toy. But instead, they replaced the Robo part. Robert is a good officer, but he almost never murders an entire warehouse full of drug dealers. That’s awesome because it doesn’t in any way explain why he is made of metal. We like to think that the characters from Star Wars are so universal that even in the darkest corner of some knockoff toy sweatshop, they’d know Darth Vader when they saw him. But no, apparently there is some sad shop in the far East where they pick up a Darth Vader action figure and say, “He looks like some kind of traffic cop. I’m going to ask you one more time: May I conduct a search of your vehicle, or do I have to call for a K-9 unit?

Also, is he a “knight” or a policeman? They’re totally not the same thing. Still, the inclusion of Boba Fett in a sidecar could have saved this. Of the several million questions this toy raises, the biggest has to be, “how does a child play with this? As in, what is the kid supposed to be imagining as he’s playing?

Or does it fight other large inanimate objects from non-action movies? Is there a transforming Cider House out there? And yes, the robot’s flailing arms are made up of the part of the hull where people would be sleeping in their cabins at the moment it transformed. For the duration of the robot battle, all you’d hear from inside this thing are muffled screams. Never mind the fact that some toymaker chose the gentle characters of a public television children’s show to create a violent tool of robot war.

And never mind that trains with smiling, talking faces are way creepy enough. It’s like a Saturday morning cartoon version of The Human Centipede. We can only imagine the conversation Tomas had to convince his pals to follow through with his carnival of lunacy. Henry: Tomas, are you sure tucking our bodies into each other’s orifices is the best way to fend off the undefined, impending danger you keep telling us about but never seems to come? Now get back into position and shove your face into my anus. There’s no way you’re going to pick up a “Change Robot” and not know exactly what you’re getting into. And what kid doesn’t want to play with a cassette tape, despite the fact that no one under the age of 40 can even remember what the hell a cassette tape is?

The box art is equally amazing, as it depicts an intense battle between F-14s and Change Robots, some of which are still inexplicably in their giant cassette tape forms. Did Superman tell you he could fly? Though we admire how he maintains his badass “flying through the air” fist post as he’s slowly drifting to the street with his sad parachute. This toy assures us that not only is James Spader a superhero, but also that he lacks the creativity to come up with an alias. We assume he spends most of his time sneaking into people’s apartments and hiding seasons of The Practice around like Easter eggs. Either that or else he goes around stabbing people with a spade.